Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Time for Him...

Paramount Baptist Church holds an annual Women of Elegance in the Fall. I had the opportunity to attend this event on Thursday night with a group of beautiful, amazing women from our church. I received a text from Melanie a week prior to the event asking if I wanted to go since Gaylynn had received tickets. Exciting a Girls Night Out and we got to play dress up. See I really didn’t know what to expect, I was just thrilled to play dress up and be with the women of the church.

The day of the event, I had class and a hair appointment mushed together so I wasn’t sure I would be on time, but I was. {Sorry I didn’t take any pics}. I also had a test that morning along with my husband having a meeting at noon. The night before I asked him once I finish my test we drive back to Amarillo and drop me off so that I can hang with mom before my hair appointment. See God doesn’t work only on Sunday’s and Wednesday’s he works everyday of our life. I have to admit that both Tom and I lost our temper at each other that day. He was worried he be late for his SIFE meeting at noon. I told him my last class I had a test should be done about 11. Which ended up until 11:15 am. So he was feeling the pressure to rush and I just went off telling him that if I wasn’t out by then he could have waited in the car met me at the circle instead of watching TV in the JBK building. He could be sending a text to the students in the project a text message that he be running a little bit late. You know basically communicating. {I was wrong telling him what he didn’t do or could have done}. So both of us mad at each other for what? Our pride, worry that we make a bad impression of being late. Fifteen measly minutes of being mad at each other for this. Yes, we are learning to pick our battles but Thursday was a bad day of miscommunication. When we arrived home I told my husband I loved him and to drive safe and not to rush. Even though I still wanted to hit my head on the wall. maybe his I won’t lie he drives me crazy sometimes. I went about my business and waited until my mom arrived and was in the process of writing a blog, that about 30 minutes later I received a text from my loving, amazing, husband that he owes me an APOLOGY. My response was “You didn’t have a meeting?” He said What would make you happy if there is something I can do for you today?” {Everyone in his project was booked with other obligations.} I could have basically let him have it like I tend to do but I was so humbled to just laugh it off that God was teaching us something today. Not to worry or try and rush through the day we forget the little things that matter the most. You might wonder what this has to do with the event, but I promise there is a point.

As I was getting ready for the event, dressing up making sure I looked nice than I normally do. When we arrived to the event all I saw was older,wiser women. I told the group this will be us in 20-30 years These women GLOWED. They looked so elegant, humble, and amazing. I didn’t understand the IMPORTANCE of this event. I caught a conversation between Melanie and Gaylynn about decorations, see I didn’t see the whole conversation of what table decoration etc. Until we walked in and saw each table magnificent with different themed decorations. I was in Awe of how beautiful, how much effort, how ELEGANT each table was for each woman to sit at. Then I began to understand why this was important.

It was like sitting at a feast with God. Sure, God doesn’t care if you wear raggy clothes but that night was like a date with Jesus. Laughter, wisdom,words of advice. God sees us as an elegant daughter. So we take the time to dress for him, beautifying our self for him. We did. We had a speaker named Thelma Wells. She asked the audience “ What is the most often question we ask everyday?” We sure ask a lot of questions everyday but often everyday? hmm.. I couldn’t think. She said we often ask “What time is it?” Gulp, that”s right we do. God is GOOD. because I have been struggling with my time with God, with other things in life that I have felt was so much more important that I have neglected my own Father. I have struggled with worry of how we will pay for this. what are we going to do. I don’t have this, I don’t have that. I remember the time my husband lost his job, when we were worried about a lot of things. I FORGOT to remember and THANK him for what he has given us.

{Looking back at the days event I knew God was trying to teach me to be a little more humble and put my pride to the side. Boy, was he right. I told you, he just doesn’t work on Sunday and Wednesday}

We tend to focus on what WE want and not what HE wants. I have failed. He knows that I am not perfect. He still loves me. So instead of COMPLAINING we should be THANKING. We also need to get up and serve him. When he CALLS to us we should be open to hear it. We may not understand why but to do it!

God always has time for us even I can’t understand how he can have time for us. But he does, He longs for us to speak with him. He knows everything we do, you can’t hide from him yet he loves us.

What time is it in your life? Are you always worried about things? Do you complain about something not going your way or why me? Don’t because God always provides in his TIME. Not mine, not your time but his TIME.

I THANK GOD for the grace and mercy he has shown me, I thank God for his kindness, I thank God for loving me unconditionally even when I feel like I do not deserve it, I thank God for giving me a heart to take so much hurt. I thank God for giving me the patience I need even at my worst, I thank God for my husband, I thank God for all that he has provided, I thank God for giving me a conscience to know what right and wrong, I thank God for the people he puts in my life, I thank God for always always being with me. I thank God for the family and friends I have.

Psalm 107:1 (NIV) "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

Friday, October 15, 2010

I learned what?

You know as I somehow write this blog it is because issues came up this week with my whole being, marriage, family, and friends. So I thought I take the time to explain a little about things that I have learned the past few weeks/months.

“God requires righteous behavior from us and will intervene in our lives to make sure it happens.” (Hebrews 12:5-11)


–noun, plural -ries.
1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line

Yes, one of my favorite lessons that I have learned this year from Marriage retreat. I have to say it just doesn’t apply to marriage but with everything.{ Church,Family,Friends.} See, I just have a pet peeve when someone uses or takes something without my permission or knowledge. Call me selfish, yes probably but I do not mind SHARING if people know how to ASK! Whatever happened to manners? I used to think that manners were overrated sometimes growing up but now as I have grown older it is one thing in life that just expresses gratitude and respect among people. I want to share something with you that probably make me very vulnerable for even bringing up my insecurities but you know what I know that I am not the only one who is insecure about certain things. It is the gratitude to seek out valuable lessons that can be used in future reference.

As an individual person we have to set boundaries for our own well being. If we do not trouble comes after us. How far are we willing to push that line? What are our individual boundaries really for? What about our boundaries when we are trying to be rightful Christians. Do we take the time and set boundaries to sit down every day with God. What are our boundaries when it comes to what you and I can and cannot do? Do we take up activities that sometime take us away from our time with God, family, church. What are our boundaries with work, school? I am NOT perfect, I write this because I am learning something that God wants me to take to heart every day. I lack my time management with everything, I am learning to put boundaries on certain aspects of my life so that I can live for Him and only Him. God wants us to enjoy things that he gives us with thanks and praises, but we have to also set time for him because he wants to hear from us. So yes boundaries are good for your well being because it keeps you on alert when you get too close to trouble.

“I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress." Psalms 32:8


My marriage with my husband Tom is interesting,days I want to kill him, the most happiest woman on EARTH because he finds way to challenge me and has a very serious, obvious sense of humor for his big head. Don’t get me wrong, I am BLESSED with a Genius Husband but if I tell that to him in his face you can see his head get bigger by the letters in a sentence. My point, is that even though we have this
LooneyIcantalklovebemadatyouforfiveminutes kind of marriage we both have our insecurities. See one of my many insecurities that I have is Jealousy. I know I should be a proud, confident wife, and glad at the end of the day he comes home to me. I should be thankful for his loyalty to me and our marriage. Yet, I allow the devil to enter my mind and thoughts when I should solely put my trust in God that he will guide my husband. That is my fault for allowing that, but on the other hand my husband tends to allow comments come out of his mouth. He did admit to me that he likes to get a rise out of me being jealous to see whether or not I care that much. Believe me I DO! Because one day, again I tend to read between the lines and overanalyze . He doesn’t realize how he speaks with women or should I say flirt but he really doesn’t flirt. I know I know Men are creatures and they will glance. See the devil has his way of trying to get our focus off of God and He tried to succeed at trying to get my focus off of him but I turned to the women in my church who have more experience and wisdom. I am grateful for that. Our boundaries in our marriage consist of financial boundaries, his and my personal boundaries, boundaries with other people as a married couple. In the marriage retreat Pastor Darrell taught us that boundaries are set to protect the well being of us:spiritually, individually, physically, mentally and emotionally. Pastor Mark mentioned something about boundaries Wednesday evening @ church “If you can smell the perfume, it is too late”.

“Now glory be to God, who by His mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of -- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” Ephesians 3: 20

Saying no to someone is HARD, especially when it comes to FAMILY. I have just recently learned that I cannot please everyone. Even my own family, who are alcoholics, drug addicts and people who are old enough to take care of themselves. Tom and I have struggled for wanting to see the good in my family and it is hard when you are the ENABLER. You do not want drama but instead you do not realize that you create drama by enabling the person’s addiction. When Tom lost his job back in March we struggled not only just the two of us but also taking care of my mom since she has been out of prison with no job for three years, taking care of my brother who has an addiction to alcohol. Not only were we trying to take care of us but two grown people who can take care of themselves. I had the most difficult time saying No to them because they were family but then I realized at how much it was not just hurting me but my marriage with my Husband because it was extra baggage I had to carry and deal with. In reality I should not be taking care of their problems. I forgot to give my worry and control to God and tried to handle everything on my own. You would not believe how old and stressed I became in a few months time. So one day I got so tired of the bricks I was carrying and FINALLY said No to what my brother wanted and what my mother wanted and they needed to learn for themselves to hit rock bottom if they had to. I did before. By Grace he saved me and showed me his love and mercy.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from you own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.” Romans 12:2


Friends are a treasure when you have them in your life. It is true that when times are hard you find out who is really your TRUE friend. One who will be with you through thick and thin. Will be honest with you because that what friends do. I believe that God made us friends because sometimes we just need more of a touch. Yet, sometimes you do have to set boundaries when it comes to friends they may not believe in your God, but we still have to love them and respect them. We set boundaries of what we are going to allow ourselves to do. We may not like how they live their life but we still love them we just do not FOLLOW their path.

Boundaries protect us and make us honest people, it also gives us the responsibility as a person. I want to continue to grow and have him beside me everyday. It is amazing how God teaches us and knows us too well. He will not give us more than we can handle. He just wants us to be righteous and trust him in all aspects in our lives.

Until next time


“In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown you efforts with success. Don’t be conceited, sure of your own wisdom. Instead, trust and reverence the Lord, and turn your back on evil; when you do that, then you will be given renewed health and vitality.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

Monday, October 11, 2010

My life's battles...

As most of you know there have been some tremendous changes around the Davis household... Both of us going back to School,Church, Volunteering, Family, Vacation ...

I can tell you right now that the writing of this blog is for ME and those who CHOOSE to read it. Let me warn you Life is not ROSY. So if you cannot comprehend what I have to say then I suggest you leave my blog.

When I blogged back in March about my WONDERFUL husband Tom losing his job. How devastating and just an emotional downhill of the unforeseen. I had an emotional breakdown not just because my husband lost his job but because I was DEALING and I still am dealing with a lot of emotional trauma from the time I was seven. Mentally and physically I have blocked out terror of trauma since. I can tell you this I have an AMAZING hubby who sticks by me no matter what.

Growing up I was always the adult as I watched my mom and my brother's lifestyle get out of control. I found no one to turn to and no comfort. Food was my COMFORT, I remember eating a whole medium pizza when I was 14 while my mom got ready to go out. I always wanted to SHOUT out look at me. I am here, do you not care? I grew up way FASTER for anyone my age. How does a child… A child who is suppose to be a kid have to stay awake at night to make sure one of their mommy's friends doesn't come in. Or how does a child stay up all night just to make sure mommy is breathing still, after twenty something cans laying around and small brown containers full of white powder. What kid does that, I DID. (You might ask why I am writing this blog that is so deep yet so personal. The reason is because someday my goal is to write about my secrets and with God's Grace and AMAZING love that people can CHANGE.)

You see, the past year, I have achieved so much, my relationship with God (It is getting better), my marriage, school, family and friends. That was great but inside something ate me ALIVE that on the outside everything was GREAT. ONLY the inside I was broken to pieces, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything. I was slowly just drifting away, I realize that it came from the fact that my family is not someone who I want to be around. I love them but I just can't, I have this hate for someone who destroyed what love really means and took my soul away. Yet I had to face him for the first time in 10 years. ALL the trauma that I blocked out emotionally and mentally was catching up. When I saw him for the first time the box unlocked and I had no idea how to DEAL with it. Only remembering everything and remembering all the times that I wanted to say something only you can't because your family says you don't tell on family members. I have waited twenty years too long, a MISTAKE THAT I CARRY EVERYDAY.

Now I take a STAND, a STAND that I know of the people who love me and supports me. I shouldn't feel fear because I lose family members over this. Now is the time that I pick away the scab so that I can HEAL properly. If I have learned anything throughout my life is that I know that there are worse situations than what I have been through, but I look at my life and see how PROUD I am of myself, what I am able to do this with God's help and that the SUPPORT I have is not only from GOD my rock, savior, but my Husband and my church family. If I have learned anything from my MISTAKES is that I know, GOD has FORGIVEN ME, showed his MERCY. and that people DO change. IF they want to. I would not change ANYTHING in my life as I know it because I would not have met my HUSBAND. I am in AWE at how Tom is because when I first started talking to him I laid out all my cards, with NOTHING to hide. To hear his response of “That is it? What are you going to do with your life now?” Sometimes I do not think I DESERVE him but God has a Plan. I dare not to interfere with his PLAN. I can only be GRATEFUL for what he has given me and give back.

To many people I may be the person you want to judge because I have made my bed but you know what at least I can make it and know that no matter what I am going to keep on getting back up. Everyone makes MISTAKES, but I think the real lesson out there is, When you meet someone, you look down on them and judge them for something they are trying to fix to make their life better, Yet you make mistakes and say no one has the right to look down on you. No one is BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. Someday you are going to need someone to support you after the mistakes that no one UNDERSTANDS and you just might find it amazing that the person you looked down on, understands and yet supports YOU.

I thank the God I know and the family,friends who know me for giving me that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, THE LOVE THAT I KNOW IS REAL. To this day, I have experienced PEACE AND HEALING, SLOWLY of course because I am finally coming to terms that I was a CHILD. There are things I cannot control. Now that I am an adult I know what I want. I want to be in God's presence. I leave you with this…


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