Monday, November 8, 2010


I am a woman of many Flaws, some I cannot change and some that I can FIX. Every morning I wake up and there are days I don't feel like taking the time to FIX my flaws. Well this morning I decided if I was going to be in a good mood then I need to FIX my flaws and make myself feel good. I KNOW every woman has some kind of Flaws about her. Well I am one of them, No lie. I am not a perfect size 8 {I am sure I can be a perfect size 8 if I put effort to it.} I was BLESSED with boobs my HUSBAND is proud of. That is NO secret. I can tell you how we met but I will save that for another post. I see my own flaws that I am not at the weight I want, have the color eyes I want, or my big cheeks make me look weird,and have long unmanageable hair. I could go on. Being the woman that I am there are also the inward flaws that I have in my mind that is SOMETHING ELSE.

There is no ordinary morning when my husband sees me do this.

That right putting on make up to FIX my flaws.

He comes into the room bringing my coffee and our conversation goes like this:

Tom: "Eww!"

VeVe: "What why the look..? Make up?"

 I look at him and ask "What is wrong with make up? You're not supposed to like makeup… I would be concerned if you did…" 

 Tom: replies “Why do you need make up?”

{This is at 7 am in the morning and if you know me I am not a morning person at all.}

VeVe:  I look at him with an exhausted sigh…” I like make up because it covers my flaws so that I can look pretty for YOU. Is that so wrong? I said.”

Tom: “But I think you look so cute in the morning, in fact sometimes you look like Medusa. If someone looks at you in the morning you will turn them into stone…”

VeVe: Hmm… Medusa… Are you implying that I wake up with wild hair but I am pretty enough to stone someone?

Tom:  Maybe I should keep my mouth shut…

I have some flaws some that I DO NOT like. Yet, I know I can FIX them to a point but I need to learn to love the flaws that God gave me.

 My husband tells me all the time that he loves me for ME and that beauty is from with inside of you. It is your personality and that brings you out to others.  Yes make up is a temporary fix but it is also the experience and the joys that bring beauty out, those others see. Like I said there are different flaws that I have, that are a quick fix and flaws that I cannot fix beyond my control. I know I could try to improve if I change the things I do. However I should take those flaws and EMBRACE them to make the little something I am allowing to annoy me into NOTHING. Because the end result I am still a BEAUTIFUL person inside and out whether I FIXED the flaws or I am allowing myself to embrace them. So REMEMBER you and I are BEAUTIFUL and LOVING women no matter what little flaws we have. 

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Sunday, November 7, 2010

Men of PBDC

When we have the Women's Retreat there is always something to look forward to at the end of the retreat Saturday evening. I am in AWE at how much time,patience that the men in our church who are our Pastor, spouses, and friends take the time to serve the women who come to gather once a year. For some women its away from wifey duties, the stress of everyday life. Keeping everything together in the household, church, work and school. These men give up their time of relaxation, sport events, and their own time out of their daily lives just to give us a five star meal. I am proud to say that God has been in the work of our church. That we have Godly men in our church who honors the women at a time of fellowship once a year. I never hear any complaints. Pastor Darrell and the other men really put their craftmanship of creativity together to WOW us. I cannot express the gratitude of everything they have done for the Women's Retreat. I am pretty sure that the men who weren't helping cooking, were at home watching the kiddos while their wives were learning about God. Thank you for giving your time.

Maybe someday we can return the favor of serving you a Five Star Meal. God has worked in these men's life and has shown their service for him. I want to Thank the Men of PBDC for their greaaat service...

{You might not see all of the Men in the pictures because they do not like their pictures taken }


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Saturday, November 6, 2010

What I am Thankful for..

I have yet to post my day to day " What I am Thankful for" so I thought I make this one fun..


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Women’s Retreat 2010

Created to be HIS..

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Eph 2:10

Every year I look forward to two events our church offers, the Marriage Retreat and the Women’s Retreat. The time finally came for the Women’s Retreat and not only was I eager to learn about God’s words but I was able to let him teach me through the women that were teaching. The three most important women in the bible who had faith,wisdom, courage, knowledge,and love for God. Esther,Ruth and Abigail. Learning more about them makes me want to be a woman like them. I want God to Create me to his being. As a person, wife, friend in whatever way that pleases him.

For the last year, I have grown and others have recognized my growth and my relationship with God even when I don’t see it. See this years women’s retreat was a blessing and hardship because I learned something and God does work in ways that I may never understand. He has taught me to be prepared for his plan that he has for me and be willing to listen and take action. See he taught me there no greater love than his, but to forgive and to heal. I had the opportunity to sit down and talk to someone that would have taken years for me to do. It was the HARDEST thing I ever had to do. Not only because we have taken the steps to forgive each other {it is a day by day thing} but God’s grace has put me where I am in my life to HEAL. Not just for me but the others. See I would not have been able to do this last year but it is AMAZING when you have God mold you for a certain time in your life. He knew what would happen and he took his time to mold me and make me strong enough through him to handle this area of my life. When I needed it he gave me the wisdom through people I trusted. A shoulder to cry on when needed it. A hug of comfort when that is all that needed to be done. He provided when I needed it. I THANK him for showing me and helping me speak in a manner of LOVE. After all, I am being CREATED TO BE HIS.

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Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Since it is the month of November a month of Thanksgiving.. I wanted to post three things that I am Thankful for everyday no matter how bad of a day I had. See sometimes even I forget to Thank God for his presence in my life and I sometimes think of other things. Since I didn't Blog the first day of November it will be a total of six things I am Thankful for.

I am thankful for:

A new day!

Reminding me of your presence

My husbands patience for me

Your Love

The courage that you have given me

Where I am in my life: with you, my husband, church, school, and family.

The people you put into my life.

P.S. Next post will be about the wonderful weekend of Women's Retreat!

I struggle

I wrote this last week I just have yet to post it..

Now that I have no more excuses to use! I hope that I will find myself improving in my lack of thing I struggle with...

Here I am in the middle of the week and I just want to give up my goals. BECAUSE I LACK THE TIME TO STICK TO SOMETHING! Still I feel overwhelmed and I struggle, I mean really struggle. So many things to do and so LITTLE time. I am trying to finish most of my assignments before my hubby and I take off for our annual thanksgiving vacation. Yah in one week we will be hitting Detroit, MI, Pittsfield MA and Boston, MA.
If I wasn’t owned by the state, then we be driving through Canada. GAH!

See my list goes as this I WANT to graduate in Dec of this year. I have 18 credits to complete, six of which are incomplete that I HAVE to finish them by DEC 8th. I STRUGGLE again with Genetics. { Note to self to never become a doctor} I hate science. God, Thank you for your creations but I do not understand Genetics! I have to take this course as an upper level science class in order to graduate. I fail! I have ONE book report, ONE term paper, EXAMS that I need to study for. When will this end. Plus I am coming back to school in the Spring. How am I to DO all of this and come back next spring. Crazy? Right. I have NO EXCUSES! { Well except watching the RANGERS winning the World Series} My husband helps me out when I need it. He a genius he helps me understand the concept of something I just don’t get.

I admit I am a HORRIBLE housekeeper. In our room you will find 2 weeks of laundry on the floor and a bed not made. Papers everywhere, dust bunnies creeping up. I said I wasn’t a good housekeeper. So I have no excuse right we pay my mom 50 dollars to clean the house so why is it that I can’t get what I need done. You know the saying “ You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Yeah well since we decided to eliminate our Dish TV. { bye bye DVR, I will see you again someday} I study more, I focus more and I still can’t get things DONE! I TRY and TRY then I fail. Why??? Time management. I give kudos to people who do follow a schedule. I know it may not work for some people and it may for others. Really if I were to discipline myself since I could walk maybe I would be better. See I am learning something new I just have not yet mastered. So If I put my whole blog and relate it to the bible of how God can really work in our life. I be amazed what I continue to learn.When we first realize that God is our father and we will not enter the gates of heaven with out Jesus Christ. (John 4:16) when you become saved you are so eager to hear his word, his promises and the fire is with you. As time goes on we get distracted make excuses and we lose our way. My point is that I need to treat school as I do with God. God should be my priority and I need to be motivated and eager and on FIRE everyday not just with God, but with marriage, school, and church. I have to ACCEPT that I am not perfect, I am not going to have a clone of me everyday to do my job. I have to accept that I do not have the POWER to do everything. God can do everything. I can’t do everything. If I ask God to give me the patience, the peace and help me Try to do as much I will succeed. Someday I will Master my life as a Christian woman through him. Someday I will Master my time management through him. Someday I will master what I don’t and accept the things that I have no control over and let it be. I will be able to do the things I should be able to do. WITH God’s help. I give him all the GLORY of what he has taught me these past few weeks.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Time for Him...

Paramount Baptist Church holds an annual Women of Elegance in the Fall. I had the opportunity to attend this event on Thursday night with a group of beautiful, amazing women from our church. I received a text from Melanie a week prior to the event asking if I wanted to go since Gaylynn had received tickets. Exciting a Girls Night Out and we got to play dress up. See I really didn’t know what to expect, I was just thrilled to play dress up and be with the women of the church.

The day of the event, I had class and a hair appointment mushed together so I wasn’t sure I would be on time, but I was. {Sorry I didn’t take any pics}. I also had a test that morning along with my husband having a meeting at noon. The night before I asked him once I finish my test we drive back to Amarillo and drop me off so that I can hang with mom before my hair appointment. See God doesn’t work only on Sunday’s and Wednesday’s he works everyday of our life. I have to admit that both Tom and I lost our temper at each other that day. He was worried he be late for his SIFE meeting at noon. I told him my last class I had a test should be done about 11. Which ended up until 11:15 am. So he was feeling the pressure to rush and I just went off telling him that if I wasn’t out by then he could have waited in the car met me at the circle instead of watching TV in the JBK building. He could be sending a text to the students in the project a text message that he be running a little bit late. You know basically communicating. {I was wrong telling him what he didn’t do or could have done}. So both of us mad at each other for what? Our pride, worry that we make a bad impression of being late. Fifteen measly minutes of being mad at each other for this. Yes, we are learning to pick our battles but Thursday was a bad day of miscommunication. When we arrived home I told my husband I loved him and to drive safe and not to rush. Even though I still wanted to hit my head on the wall. maybe his I won’t lie he drives me crazy sometimes. I went about my business and waited until my mom arrived and was in the process of writing a blog, that about 30 minutes later I received a text from my loving, amazing, husband that he owes me an APOLOGY. My response was “You didn’t have a meeting?” He said What would make you happy if there is something I can do for you today?” {Everyone in his project was booked with other obligations.} I could have basically let him have it like I tend to do but I was so humbled to just laugh it off that God was teaching us something today. Not to worry or try and rush through the day we forget the little things that matter the most. You might wonder what this has to do with the event, but I promise there is a point.

As I was getting ready for the event, dressing up making sure I looked nice than I normally do. When we arrived to the event all I saw was older,wiser women. I told the group this will be us in 20-30 years These women GLOWED. They looked so elegant, humble, and amazing. I didn’t understand the IMPORTANCE of this event. I caught a conversation between Melanie and Gaylynn about decorations, see I didn’t see the whole conversation of what table decoration etc. Until we walked in and saw each table magnificent with different themed decorations. I was in Awe of how beautiful, how much effort, how ELEGANT each table was for each woman to sit at. Then I began to understand why this was important.

It was like sitting at a feast with God. Sure, God doesn’t care if you wear raggy clothes but that night was like a date with Jesus. Laughter, wisdom,words of advice. God sees us as an elegant daughter. So we take the time to dress for him, beautifying our self for him. We did. We had a speaker named Thelma Wells. She asked the audience “ What is the most often question we ask everyday?” We sure ask a lot of questions everyday but often everyday? hmm.. I couldn’t think. She said we often ask “What time is it?” Gulp, that”s right we do. God is GOOD. because I have been struggling with my time with God, with other things in life that I have felt was so much more important that I have neglected my own Father. I have struggled with worry of how we will pay for this. what are we going to do. I don’t have this, I don’t have that. I remember the time my husband lost his job, when we were worried about a lot of things. I FORGOT to remember and THANK him for what he has given us.

{Looking back at the days event I knew God was trying to teach me to be a little more humble and put my pride to the side. Boy, was he right. I told you, he just doesn’t work on Sunday and Wednesday}

We tend to focus on what WE want and not what HE wants. I have failed. He knows that I am not perfect. He still loves me. So instead of COMPLAINING we should be THANKING. We also need to get up and serve him. When he CALLS to us we should be open to hear it. We may not understand why but to do it!

God always has time for us even I can’t understand how he can have time for us. But he does, He longs for us to speak with him. He knows everything we do, you can’t hide from him yet he loves us.

What time is it in your life? Are you always worried about things? Do you complain about something not going your way or why me? Don’t because God always provides in his TIME. Not mine, not your time but his TIME.

I THANK GOD for the grace and mercy he has shown me, I thank God for his kindness, I thank God for loving me unconditionally even when I feel like I do not deserve it, I thank God for giving me a heart to take so much hurt. I thank God for giving me the patience I need even at my worst, I thank God for my husband, I thank God for all that he has provided, I thank God for giving me a conscience to know what right and wrong, I thank God for the people he puts in my life, I thank God for always always being with me. I thank God for the family and friends I have.

Psalm 107:1 (NIV) "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

Friday, October 15, 2010

I learned what?

You know as I somehow write this blog it is because issues came up this week with my whole being, marriage, family, and friends. So I thought I take the time to explain a little about things that I have learned the past few weeks/months.

“God requires righteous behavior from us and will intervene in our lives to make sure it happens.” (Hebrews 12:5-11)


–noun, plural -ries.
1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line

Yes, one of my favorite lessons that I have learned this year from Marriage retreat. I have to say it just doesn’t apply to marriage but with everything.{ Church,Family,Friends.} See, I just have a pet peeve when someone uses or takes something without my permission or knowledge. Call me selfish, yes probably but I do not mind SHARING if people know how to ASK! Whatever happened to manners? I used to think that manners were overrated sometimes growing up but now as I have grown older it is one thing in life that just expresses gratitude and respect among people. I want to share something with you that probably make me very vulnerable for even bringing up my insecurities but you know what I know that I am not the only one who is insecure about certain things. It is the gratitude to seek out valuable lessons that can be used in future reference.

As an individual person we have to set boundaries for our own well being. If we do not trouble comes after us. How far are we willing to push that line? What are our individual boundaries really for? What about our boundaries when we are trying to be rightful Christians. Do we take the time and set boundaries to sit down every day with God. What are our boundaries when it comes to what you and I can and cannot do? Do we take up activities that sometime take us away from our time with God, family, church. What are our boundaries with work, school? I am NOT perfect, I write this because I am learning something that God wants me to take to heart every day. I lack my time management with everything, I am learning to put boundaries on certain aspects of my life so that I can live for Him and only Him. God wants us to enjoy things that he gives us with thanks and praises, but we have to also set time for him because he wants to hear from us. So yes boundaries are good for your well being because it keeps you on alert when you get too close to trouble.

“I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress." Psalms 32:8


My marriage with my husband Tom is interesting,days I want to kill him, the most happiest woman on EARTH because he finds way to challenge me and has a very serious, obvious sense of humor for his big head. Don’t get me wrong, I am BLESSED with a Genius Husband but if I tell that to him in his face you can see his head get bigger by the letters in a sentence. My point, is that even though we have this
LooneyIcantalklovebemadatyouforfiveminutes kind of marriage we both have our insecurities. See one of my many insecurities that I have is Jealousy. I know I should be a proud, confident wife, and glad at the end of the day he comes home to me. I should be thankful for his loyalty to me and our marriage. Yet, I allow the devil to enter my mind and thoughts when I should solely put my trust in God that he will guide my husband. That is my fault for allowing that, but on the other hand my husband tends to allow comments come out of his mouth. He did admit to me that he likes to get a rise out of me being jealous to see whether or not I care that much. Believe me I DO! Because one day, again I tend to read between the lines and overanalyze . He doesn’t realize how he speaks with women or should I say flirt but he really doesn’t flirt. I know I know Men are creatures and they will glance. See the devil has his way of trying to get our focus off of God and He tried to succeed at trying to get my focus off of him but I turned to the women in my church who have more experience and wisdom. I am grateful for that. Our boundaries in our marriage consist of financial boundaries, his and my personal boundaries, boundaries with other people as a married couple. In the marriage retreat Pastor Darrell taught us that boundaries are set to protect the well being of us:spiritually, individually, physically, mentally and emotionally. Pastor Mark mentioned something about boundaries Wednesday evening @ church “If you can smell the perfume, it is too late”.

“Now glory be to God, who by His mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of -- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” Ephesians 3: 20

Saying no to someone is HARD, especially when it comes to FAMILY. I have just recently learned that I cannot please everyone. Even my own family, who are alcoholics, drug addicts and people who are old enough to take care of themselves. Tom and I have struggled for wanting to see the good in my family and it is hard when you are the ENABLER. You do not want drama but instead you do not realize that you create drama by enabling the person’s addiction. When Tom lost his job back in March we struggled not only just the two of us but also taking care of my mom since she has been out of prison with no job for three years, taking care of my brother who has an addiction to alcohol. Not only were we trying to take care of us but two grown people who can take care of themselves. I had the most difficult time saying No to them because they were family but then I realized at how much it was not just hurting me but my marriage with my Husband because it was extra baggage I had to carry and deal with. In reality I should not be taking care of their problems. I forgot to give my worry and control to God and tried to handle everything on my own. You would not believe how old and stressed I became in a few months time. So one day I got so tired of the bricks I was carrying and FINALLY said No to what my brother wanted and what my mother wanted and they needed to learn for themselves to hit rock bottom if they had to. I did before. By Grace he saved me and showed me his love and mercy.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from you own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.” Romans 12:2


Friends are a treasure when you have them in your life. It is true that when times are hard you find out who is really your TRUE friend. One who will be with you through thick and thin. Will be honest with you because that what friends do. I believe that God made us friends because sometimes we just need more of a touch. Yet, sometimes you do have to set boundaries when it comes to friends they may not believe in your God, but we still have to love them and respect them. We set boundaries of what we are going to allow ourselves to do. We may not like how they live their life but we still love them we just do not FOLLOW their path.

Boundaries protect us and make us honest people, it also gives us the responsibility as a person. I want to continue to grow and have him beside me everyday. It is amazing how God teaches us and knows us too well. He will not give us more than we can handle. He just wants us to be righteous and trust him in all aspects in our lives.

Until next time


“In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown you efforts with success. Don’t be conceited, sure of your own wisdom. Instead, trust and reverence the Lord, and turn your back on evil; when you do that, then you will be given renewed health and vitality.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

Monday, October 11, 2010

My life's battles...

As most of you know there have been some tremendous changes around the Davis household... Both of us going back to School,Church, Volunteering, Family, Vacation ...

I can tell you right now that the writing of this blog is for ME and those who CHOOSE to read it. Let me warn you Life is not ROSY. So if you cannot comprehend what I have to say then I suggest you leave my blog.

When I blogged back in March about my WONDERFUL husband Tom losing his job. How devastating and just an emotional downhill of the unforeseen. I had an emotional breakdown not just because my husband lost his job but because I was DEALING and I still am dealing with a lot of emotional trauma from the time I was seven. Mentally and physically I have blocked out terror of trauma since. I can tell you this I have an AMAZING hubby who sticks by me no matter what.

Growing up I was always the adult as I watched my mom and my brother's lifestyle get out of control. I found no one to turn to and no comfort. Food was my COMFORT, I remember eating a whole medium pizza when I was 14 while my mom got ready to go out. I always wanted to SHOUT out look at me. I am here, do you not care? I grew up way FASTER for anyone my age. How does a child… A child who is suppose to be a kid have to stay awake at night to make sure one of their mommy's friends doesn't come in. Or how does a child stay up all night just to make sure mommy is breathing still, after twenty something cans laying around and small brown containers full of white powder. What kid does that, I DID. (You might ask why I am writing this blog that is so deep yet so personal. The reason is because someday my goal is to write about my secrets and with God's Grace and AMAZING love that people can CHANGE.)

You see, the past year, I have achieved so much, my relationship with God (It is getting better), my marriage, school, family and friends. That was great but inside something ate me ALIVE that on the outside everything was GREAT. ONLY the inside I was broken to pieces, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything. I was slowly just drifting away, I realize that it came from the fact that my family is not someone who I want to be around. I love them but I just can't, I have this hate for someone who destroyed what love really means and took my soul away. Yet I had to face him for the first time in 10 years. ALL the trauma that I blocked out emotionally and mentally was catching up. When I saw him for the first time the box unlocked and I had no idea how to DEAL with it. Only remembering everything and remembering all the times that I wanted to say something only you can't because your family says you don't tell on family members. I have waited twenty years too long, a MISTAKE THAT I CARRY EVERYDAY.

Now I take a STAND, a STAND that I know of the people who love me and supports me. I shouldn't feel fear because I lose family members over this. Now is the time that I pick away the scab so that I can HEAL properly. If I have learned anything throughout my life is that I know that there are worse situations than what I have been through, but I look at my life and see how PROUD I am of myself, what I am able to do this with God's help and that the SUPPORT I have is not only from GOD my rock, savior, but my Husband and my church family. If I have learned anything from my MISTAKES is that I know, GOD has FORGIVEN ME, showed his MERCY. and that people DO change. IF they want to. I would not change ANYTHING in my life as I know it because I would not have met my HUSBAND. I am in AWE at how Tom is because when I first started talking to him I laid out all my cards, with NOTHING to hide. To hear his response of “That is it? What are you going to do with your life now?” Sometimes I do not think I DESERVE him but God has a Plan. I dare not to interfere with his PLAN. I can only be GRATEFUL for what he has given me and give back.

To many people I may be the person you want to judge because I have made my bed but you know what at least I can make it and know that no matter what I am going to keep on getting back up. Everyone makes MISTAKES, but I think the real lesson out there is, When you meet someone, you look down on them and judge them for something they are trying to fix to make their life better, Yet you make mistakes and say no one has the right to look down on you. No one is BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. Someday you are going to need someone to support you after the mistakes that no one UNDERSTANDS and you just might find it amazing that the person you looked down on, understands and yet supports YOU.

I thank the God I know and the family,friends who know me for giving me that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, THE LOVE THAT I KNOW IS REAL. To this day, I have experienced PEACE AND HEALING, SLOWLY of course because I am finally coming to terms that I was a CHILD. There are things I cannot control. Now that I am an adult I know what I want. I want to be in God's presence. I leave you with this…


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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Is Patience even a word?

I don't know about you but life has just been a roller coaster these past few weeks. There seems to be very little hope when you have such doors slammed in your face. The emotions of everything that you do not want to feel. I know I am losing a little bit of faith but I am hanging on by a thread. I want to know what the plan for the future is. Only I can't tell God to just give it to me on a silver platter. I have to wait PATIENTLY. It's really starting to get on my nerves!

Sometimes, it is just hard for those of you who know what my life is like. I am not complaining but I seriously think some people need to get their head out of their butt and realize that at some point of your life you hit rock bottom and you want us to listen, hug and be there for you. What about the favor in return that sometimes we need to scream, cry, complain to someone who will listen because they want to be a FRIEND. What about the words of encouragement to make a person day better or a smile knowing that everything going to be all right. See patience isn't in my dictionary right now considering the fact that I am losing it ever bit of the day.

I have been in school for a very long time, and for the first time in my life I literally BURNED out.
Many of you do not know this but I was stressed, yelling, couldn't sleep, irritated and lost focus. I couldn't do it anymore. I was gone I couldn't care anymore because I had no energy in me. I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life and put school on hold so that I can get better emotionally because I was dealing with some issues that came up during Christmas time that just really consumed my thoughts 24/7, with anger, fear and pure hatred. Mentally, I just wasn't there anymore, I didn't know what I wanted , needed. Physically, it just took a toll on me that my Husband knew that I had enough. So I am putting school for my BA degree on hold. I am seeking education as an Executive Assistant on-line slowly to keep me busy with a routine.

It's not so easy having to find out that your husband lost his job, a job he had so much respect for and probably could have ran the business better. Only to see the man in your life who is over qualified with his education but doesn't have the experience because no one wants to give him a chance. It sucks to see him struggle knowing he is an AMAZING guy. His work ethic and his ability to do his job is far beyond amazing. Patience isn't even helping me now at this moment with our struggles. Having to spend our one year and one month of marriage living with my brother is hard. Never did I want to ask for help during this time. But knowing that we had to doesn't make it any easier.

Seeing your own mother breakdown and cry every time knowing she trying so hard to keep the house she loves the most. The one she raised me and was my stability. Its not easy letting go and closing the door behind you with one last look. Maybe its for the best.

I think God is testing my Faith, Patience right now. I KNOW that he has a PLAN for US. The waiting doesn't get any easier. We KNOW that he has PROVIDED for us even when we do not think we have enough.

So why am I complaining of all these things I should be grateful for what I have now? (Tom is currently asleep at 3:08 am)

Do I have an answer.. I don't know why I am complaining..

Maybe because I feel that every single waking moment I see my husband and he drives me nuts when he gets bored. He NEEDS a JOB! So Do I!

Maybe because we are worried about our financial situation.

Maybe because we are not perfect and we fight over the stupid stuff.

Maybe because sometimes I feel like breaking down because life sucks when it just doesn't happen to you but your family member.

Maybe because it just makes you feel better and knowing that things will be OK in the long run. But you wonder why it happens to you.

Maybe because God wants us to learn to DEPEND only on him. After all he did promise that he will provide what he thinks we need. Not what we want.

Maybe because God is teaching us to value the important and not the things that we do want.

Maybe because I am trying to seek out what he wants for us. I just do not yet see or hear it yet.

Maybe because I do not want to be a failure in Gods eyes: my husbands, family, friends.

Why do I care?

I shouldn't because I have the most important people in my life that I love with me. I know that God is there everyday and I acknowledge him yet it seems so hard to keep running on faith when you feel like your tank is on Empty.

All we can do is wait and seek him to answer us, maybe then Patience will be back in my vocabulary.